KristenBegins...

A friend recently told me that being around a person on a routine basis creates a dependency similar to that of a drug addiction. This person said that the brain releases the same kind of chemicals that drugs do which makes you feel like you need to be around that person. You become dependent on that person being there and feel a sense of withdrawal when they are gone or when the routine is disrupted.

In romantic relationships studies have shown that “love” triggers high levels of dopamine, or a chemical that stimulates the “reward” and “desire” feature in the brain. This has the same effect on the brain as cocaine. Oxytocin has also been shown to cause people to form bonds with others, a sense of attachment and trust. So behind the scenes, there is a lot more going on in the brain than we even have the ability to control.

And control is what it is all about, really. Controlling feelings, Controlling emotions, Controlling people. Trying to control what you feel.

People are so afraid of being dependent on another person, that, in turn, they operate like a zombie, trying desperately to be void of actual feelings for other people. Afraid of losing. What you don’t give to another person can’t come back to hurt you, right?

Somewhere along the way we are taught that being vulnerable to another person is bad. That being honest with ourselves will hurt us. That telling people we need them in our lives will leave us lonely.

But we do need people.

Because trying so hard to keep people at a distance only works for so long. And the distance you’ve kept between you and the people you meet, is what will leave you lonely. And so you end up not getting hurt by another person, but hurting yourself instead. And maybe that is better, but at the end of the day, who do you even have to talk to about those feelings? Who is there to make you feel like you are not alone in the world?

People need to feel understood.

So put it out there, put your feelings out there, put yourself out there. Stop being in control so much. Depend on people. Tell people you need them. Tell people you are scared, or sad, or happy, or want certain things. And get hurt along the way. Because it is just hurt. And hurt subsides and once it does, there is so much more out there.

So take the drug, and take lots of it because not doing so seems like an awfully lonely place to be.